Attempt 1

Ok, so I said I was not going to blog about my experience with fertilty drugs and what I am feeling. But I stumbled across someones blog and found they were going through the same thing except she was pregnant but i was able to read eveything she went through. I guess this isn't that bad- will keep a record of what I am going through. I obviously did not get pregnant the first try. The Dr's seems to think my C-section has trigerred all of this. So here is a break down of what I did last month. I got a vaginal ultrasound day 5 of my cycle. He confirmed that i have a follicle that is ready to create an egg. I started on femara that night and took it for 5 days. Those were the best 5 days of my life! Those pills were magical! I was in a good mood the whole week, I was not tired like I always am and me and Crispin did not fight ONCE that week. That confirmed to me that something in my body was out of wack. I was sad to stop taking them. I just felt like a new happier person with energy! day 14 of my cycle I went in for another U/S. I had an egg that was ready to be released! I got a shot of HcG that day that forced me to ovulate. That day was NOT a good day! I was a BEAST!!!!! I think I jumped down everyones throats that I talked to. I ended up going to bed at like 6:30 cause I was so angry and in the worst mood. I am not looking forward to that shot again. Day 15- lots of doing it :) I was tired on Friday at work and just wanted to go home and sleep. I then waited for 3 days before my period to go get my blood drawn. I pass out all the time and I was sooooo nervous to go. The dr called the next day and confirmed that I ovulated. I then waited 1 more week and had still not started my period- so I went back for another blood draw only to start my period 5 hours later. So now the cycle starts all over. I had an U/S yesterday. The Dr isn't too optimistic that this will work. He said there is no reason I should not have gotten pregnant the first time. he put me on 2 fertility drugs this month, femara and clomid. I am thankful for the Dr's bluntness. I would not want him to fill my head with hopes to only have them shattered yet again when I am not preggo. If I dont get pregnant this month I will have to have Surgery to lazor everything out and clean me up. The sad part about this whole situation is I sit here and worry about work. I have always been the one to just take care of things myself, and the fact that i am missing work and am going to miss more, makes me feel like crap! I feel like I have let them down and that this is a huge inconvienance for them, and that I am jeapardizing my job (which I'm not) I think a lot that all of this would be so much easier if I didnt have to go to work! I thought this whole experience would be exciting and just fly by, but its not. I am on an emotional roller coaster ride and I try so very hard to keep thoughts to myself because lets face it- I am blunt and I can say some mean things- without the help of hormones. I am already sick of going to the dr and going to labs. I was a little relieved when the Dr told me he will not put me back on meds after this month. I can not imagine how people feel when they go through this for years! I think if I dont get pregnant after having a surgery--- I am done trying! at least for a little while because lets face it, ITS STRESSFULL!!!