August 5th

Well my fertility treatments were unsuccessful! On my second round of them we found out through ultra sound that I was releasing 2 eggs and had a VERY good chance of having twins- I was SOOOOOO excited! I mean if I have to go through this every time to get pregnant.... lets just get it over with! I was scared to tell Crispin what the dr saw in fear he would sleep on the other side of the house for the week, but he felt the same way! He wanted twins, too! Unfortunatly, it did not work- that was by far the hardest negative pregnancy test I took- that meant that A- We would not be have a baby, let a lone 2 babies and B- I had to have surgery before I would even begin to think about getting pregnant again.
Every since I found out I was not pregnant, I have just felt sad! This is something I was never going to have to face! Lets face it- Marcus had absolutely no problem coming into this world- and here I am 18 months later of trying to get pregnant and found out I have a condition that could stop me permantly from having another kid! This is just something that NEVER in a million yrs did I think I would have to deal with. My mom and sisters and grandma's were all fertile myrtles and had NO problems getting pregnant- and then there is me! It makes me sooo sad that Marcus does not have a sibling yet! he is going to be such a great help and an awesome older brother that it breaks my heart that he isnt yet! We always ask him if he wants that and he says yes- but he does NOT want a sister, only a brother. and I am OK with that! lol
Well me Crispin have done a lot of talking as to when We should do the surgery- we were originally going to wait till January, but we have decided against that. I am scheduled for August 5th @ 2:00 pm. and I am SCARED out of my mind!!!!!!!! I have never gone under and that thought scares me half to death. At least when I had my C-section, I was already numb and had my IV, all they had to do was switch what type of Medicine they were giving me.
I am so thankful though for Crispin and who he is. I know he is going be such a great support to me! As I think about this surgery- a lot of the stuff is popping into my head from my C-section, and it is ALL positive stuff about Crispin. He was AMAZING after it and taking care of me! I know he will be the one to keep me positive through this, and entertained in the healing process :) just fore warning you, if you dont want to hear me complain- please dont check my blog these next 2 weeks- as I will probably be venting about my fear and how I dont have enough time to get my house in order so I can actually 'relax' during my time off and not worry about my house.