Surgery

Ok I will attempt to type this and not sound confusing- I am really loopy this morning and I have had a hard time putting sentences together since the anesthesia. My sister Rachel came up to help me before the surgery and watch Marcus. I was really glad she was here since Crispin was house/dog sitting for his dad. She just kept my mind off everything. and we had a really good time. Thursday Morning rolled around and I was feeling good! I was not too nervous. we ran some errands and spent way too much money- but got back home just in time to feed the boys and put them down for a nap. Marcus was sleeping in my room so Grant could have his bed, so I just laid down with Marcus and I lost it! The reality of the surgery set in. I just laid there crying for a good 20 minutes. just thoughts of why do I have to go through this and this isnt fair! After a little while I came down stairs to wait for Crispin to get me. Once I saw him i started crying again! It was really weird pulling away from my house. just a creepy feeling. So we get to the surgery center and we ended up waiting over an hour before they even took me back! I was getting really irritated! I was just so nervous and sitting in that waiting room was driving me nuts. Some one had the TV blaring and then everyone else was trying to talk over it, and it was just a run down waiting room!
So they call me back at 2:45 (when my surgery should have been starting) as soon as I walked through that door, they were rushing Cause Dr Seal was ready for me. I got changed and had my IV put in. The nurse was great about it and it only hurt for a second, and yes i asked to lay down for that! after they got my IV crispin was able to come back- then the anesthiologist came in to talk to me. he was AWESOME!! He just joked with us and he was trying to find out how sensitive I was to alchohol so he would know how sensitive I would be to the drugs- man that took me back to my high school days, lol! then Dr Seal came in and asked if I had any question. Then they left and a nurse came in to get me. I had to give my glasses to Crispin and I was walking like a blind woman! so we go into to OR and she says to open up the back of my gown (mind you there are like 6 people in there) and lay down on the table. Great, now everyone will see my cottage cheese butt! so I HURRIED and laid down. she got me situated and the anestheogist was there with me. I told him I was FREAKING out at this point- he hurried and pumped some drugs in me and asked if i felt drunk yet, YEP!!! the room just started spinning and I was on cloud 9! The music they were playing in there was like something you would play at a rave- it just made me laugh- after maybe 2 minutes of having happy drugs I started getting drowsy. I BARELY remember the nurse putting oxygen on me. she said it was a brand new mask and I said it smelt like cherries and then I was OUT. And then I woke up in recovery. The first thing I could barely get out of my mouth was "Do I have it?" I dont even remember what the nurse said. I then asked for my glasses. I could not form a sentence at all! It was more like 1 worded sentences and even sometime all I could get out was 1 syllable. Crispin came back and shortly Dr Seal came in with pictures. He told me there was no way I would have ever gotten pregnant on my own. He showed me pictures and explained them to me. My left ovary and tube was completely encompassed in the endometriosis. Both of the ovaries were fused to my outer bowel walls and I had spots covering everything down there. I dont know what happened with my c-section and me getting sewed up- but he had to clean a lot of that up as it was pretty bad. He said I should be good to go and if I dont get pregnant in 3 months on my own, I will go back on fertility drugs. This is all still surreal to me. I guess watching those surgeries were not such a bad idea cause I knew exactly what I was looking for and I understood what the dr was telling me. I am in pretty good spirits but still in shock that My endometriosis was that bad! I guess its a good thing me and Crispin dont want a super huge family cause I dont think it is possible. All I can think about is how trippy that whole experience was. I really do think it was a very positive experience and I hope it works! I am in quite a bit of pain. I tried to take just 1 pain pill 3 hours ago and I am paying for that. I have 1 hour left and then I will take 2 pills and be out for the night.
I am so overwhelmed with the calls and text messages of everyone checking up on me! Some people who I thought would check on me havent, and thats ok. But I have had people who I had no idea knew what was going on with me, text me. and it helps! I love knowing that people care and support me. This is a hard trial in my life and having the love and support of friends and family helps me.
I am of course grateful for Crispin! He has been wonderful through this whole thing! He has waited on me hand and foot and is keeping up on the house work. rachel and my mom have been very good to take time out of their lives to come and help out! I really do appreciate all the calls and texts, Its hard for me to just sit here and texting atleast keeps my mind going!